The War Inside Your Head

By Kasey Pipitt

Do you ever have lulls in time where you just feel like absolute dog shit? Times where you’re just super inside your head. Emotions being manipulated by thoughts that you feel are out of your control. Staring into the distance thinking about the future and creating so much anxiety that you don’t know how you’ll make it out of this moment. I do. I struggle with this at random times. Sometimes it lasts no longer than a day. Other times it lasts a week. If this is you, great! Let’s talk about this shit.

I struggle with the feelings of depression and anxiety. I’m pretty sure that if you’re human, you do as well. The idea that someone is special because they “suffer from anxiety” is bullshit. We all suffer from it. They’re common human emotions. Buddhists say, if you’re living in the future, you are anxious. If you’re living in the past, you are depressed. If you are living in the current moment, you are content. I believe this to be true. When I feel like shit, I try to take a step back and look at myself from a curious perspective. I ask myself what I’m feeling and why. Nine out of ten times it’s because I’m either thinking about the past or the future. I still do it. I don’t know if I’ll ever be “cured” of it, but making myself aware of the issue is a good step I’d say. What do they say in AA? First step is admitting you have a problem... 

Emotions are tricky. Thoughts are even trickier. Our mind is this complex cell that we have so much power over yet at the same time we don’t. To even speak of it as something else is weird. “I have power over my mind. said, my mind.” But we do. I’ve always looked at strengthening the mind as being the same as strengthening the body. Repetition and time under tension. Remember that pain is temporary. Although, physical pain is a lot easier to overcome than emotional pain, it is still relatively the same. Physical pain tells the brain that something hurts, the brain tells the body to push through. When we are sad, it is the same thing. Only the brain has to tell the brain to push past the pain. 

Emotional pain has this way of making you not want to live any longer. Believe me, I know. But I also know it’s temporary. I think a lot of suicides stem from the giving in to the emotions. Letting them overcome you versus you overcoming them. It’s a battle. A battle of wits. A war of attrition. I believe that the more times we overcome the pain our thoughts cause us, the easier it is to live. To survive. At the end of the day, we are our own worst enemies. Anytime we are mad at someone or something else, it’s our own self that is letting ourselves be mad. Anytime we feel or think anything for that matter, it is not a choice that we may feel it, but it is a choice to not feel it any longer. So, with all of that said. Know that we are not alone. Depression and anxiety as are common as people that exists on this planet are. Do not succumb to your demons. Rather, get to know them. Analyze them. Befriend and control them. We have that power.

Kasey Pipitt